Month: July 2012

  • oh yes! btw, I am employed again :) for those who were worried, my old old mgr hired me back and put me back on his team :D If we don’t lose this client, I can keep my job! weee. lol, worked 59 hours last week, let’s get these client deliverables out. 

  • Hey folks, I came across a blog from datingish about your ” ‘Flexuality (or Sexual Flexibility) Test. The test, “assesses your attitudes, feelings, experiences, and desires’ “. My results say that I was more or less ambisexual: similarly aroused by men and women, pretty much the classic version of bi-sexual, very 50-50 between the two. 

    I don’t quite know how I feel about the result. I expected the result to say that I was sexually restrained if anything. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been called prude, or “not the typical white girl” (when I’m only half white to begin with), or just not too crazy, lol or even boring and dry. 

    I’ve always felt that I could be emotionally/spiritually attached to any person, male or female, black or white, physically attracted to any person, but only sexually attracted to men. 

    I mean kissing a girl is one thing, and I don’t even mean making out, I mean just a peck. Maybe even getting fondled is fathomable. But sex is out of the question, straight up weird for me. 

    Simultaneously, I have absolutely no interest in checking out men. It’s seriously a one in ten thousand chance I’ll run into a guy that I would be like, “wow he’s drop dead” (of course the chances are higher when I’m in Chelsea hahaha). But I check out women all the time, I mean ALL the time. 

    But I don’t check people out to fulfill a sexual desire, they are simply like an art gallery to me. A canvas with a secret, where only some (and mostly women) tend to strike my curiosity. I could be looking at a homeless person for the same amount of time and reason. 

    So, ambisexual. 

    Food for thought. 

    http://flexuality.wordpress.com/take-the-test/

  • Dear Xanga, 

    It’s been a while since I’ve poured my heart out, but I’m thinking it might be a good idea seeing as the fingers in which I’m typing with are stinging with each key. I’ve just about bitten every nail to the point where it’s about to bleed. 
    As of Friday, my contract with J.P. Morgan has come to an end.
    Yesterday, I spent most of my day filing for unemployment. A bloody pain and a half; this grueling process began Tuesday with a total of about 10 internet page load fails mid-application , 4 phone disconnects, and several customer service agents in both English and Cantonese. 
    I then located 63 private equity funds headquartered in New York City and proceeded to attempt to apply to 11 different funds/banks and successfully applied to about 5. Private equity funds tend to hire either right out of top tier colleges or via referrals and headhunters, so I don’t have many options. Of the 63, I don’t expect that many more will have online applications. It seems many just have e-mails to the HR department at most. I’m drowning in desperation. I can’t fathom how long this process is going to take and I am competing against not only top tier graduates, but also laid off, overqualified applicants applying for positions which ju-st barely fit the bill for me. I’m terrified, caught in a catch 22 limbo where I am overqualified as entry level and under qualified as experienced. 
    However, amongst my distressed situation, I have found myself dumbfounded in gratitude.
     
    On July 4th I met up with two…. comrades. It’s a strange relationship we three have, a strange one. When we are burdened, we are all terrified to burden anyone else. Call it stubborn, call it independent, or what you will. And without my permission, they offered to help. Small gestures, subtle shows of concern, and a big attempt to cheer up the sulking cat. And it wasn’t just them, I’ve been called and texted by several good friends, trying to get me out of the house, trying to cheer me up. I miss a couple texts, and they start calling. Co-workers keeping telling me they miss me. I’m surrounded by warmth, support, and help. 
    Yesterday, Adam scolded me for my nail biting. And apparently for scratching my face and body with my nail-less fingers. He told me I shouldn’t be worried, I’m more than capable, I have him to depend on, we’re a team. I almost fell to my knees and cried. 
    What on earth did I do to deserve such kindness? I can’t fathom the deed. But I am so grateful, I’m so blessed with goodhearted, loving friends.
    Even my sister’s been super worried about me.
    LOL, I feel like I’m  bragging now, but I swear it’s not the intention. I just wanted to write it out. Friendship is very important to me. I wish I could give them the world. Gah, I’m all teary and can barely read the screen. I intended to write more but this is going to have to be it. 

  • ha, and now i have neither i spoke too soon, too soon too soon.