Pain. This word,
This inevitable world 

My scariest nightmare happened when I was 3. And it sounds very strange and maybe not scary to you, but hey .. it's gonna get me my 1000 credits .
I woke up to a muggy and dark empty space... and possibly about 15 feet away from me, were rays of sunlight that came in lines that made a circular shape. Interfering with that light.. was a dark shadow with red eyes, staring at me as I didn't move. The moment I thought about running, it started to come after me, and I ran to my right. I ran I saw a line of ballerinas heading up towards a rugged steel stairway with a worn out wooden door at top. It was old and fragile. The ballerinas tiptoed their way up and I trailed in back of them panting and looking behind me as the distance between the black shadow and  myself got closer and closer. I didn't even notice, that the ballerinas had red eyes too! Cornered, I didn't know what to do, I took a risk and jumped off the stairways into nothing. And here was the scary part.. As I was falling, I came out of the corner of my mother and my bedroom falling downwards,  falling onto my bed doing a flip in the process. My eyes opened midway into the flip, I  "woke up" flying in the air and landing on my neck. When I was 6 years old, my cousins from Hong Kong came to live with us, and one of my cousins drew a picture of the building I had lived in. That's when I noticed for the first time, that there were wooden seashell shaped figures placed in the front of all the attics, and the lines in the seashells had holes. Those holes were the exact same shape as the ones in my dream... I had lived on the top floor. Was it possible that my soul had traveled to the attic when I was 3? A nightmare? or something more?

I just blogged about my scariest nightmare to enter The Uninvited Scariest Nightmare Contest for 1,000 credits. You can earn free credits too! Brought to you by The Uninvited - In Theaters January 30th.

I enjoyed this response a lot, from a fellow Xangan

"A person is never for you. You don't get to 'have' her. You are not entitled to any of her, you don't deserve to have someone care enough about you to be with you. (By the way, this is a generalized you, not the author in question).
As humans, we need to recognize that a relationship is not a right, it is a privilege. If somebody is gracious enough to even like us for a short period of time, we need to see that as what it is, a gift. We are not entitled to it, we are not entitled to their bodies, or their hearts, or their minds."

By Death_By_Chocolat

Hello Everyone I hope all of you had a great 2008 and look forward to an even greater 2009.
This year I get to start off on a clean slate >.<
Well.. Almost. I followed through with myself all of 2008 with all but one thing
Perhaps I should put it in my New Years Resolution to take care of it, perhaps
Sometimes ya gotta live a little ... sometimes ya gotta dream! ... sometimes you're dreaming, and you just don't want to wake up -
By 2009, will you find your wings and fly?
Happy New Years Guys, my love to you all.

回家的生活由此開始了.
so far, 我每天和我的妹妹玩DS... Mario World還不錯.
做快做見我全部的好朋友了 有家里的感覺真好.
Last night i went out, and this family helped me sweep ice off my car because they saw i was using a tennis racket >.< mom didn't have a sweeper.. lol It's nice to see how many kind people are out there, a whole family of them
Happy Holidays Everyone

Firstly: Happy B-day to my cousin Julie
We had a nice chat just earlier before.

and nowww.. I'm home! I'm happy, and back from finals
This week was a week of advancement and moving on. Putting old burdens down and carrying new ones that make more sense. How nice
I no longer have my car too .. so sad, but unemployed me just can't take care of it

I love my family, time and time again proves to me that no matter what we think of each other, no matter what difficulties are faced, at the end of the day, everyone really wants the best for one another. That makes me more than happy, it makes me proud to be a Lai. (yea even though not all their last names are Lai's, you get it).

These past two days, my phone hasn't stopped ringing, all my friends are calling. My heart feels like the wood in the fire by the chimney, I'm just so very happy to be home. It doesn't feel like Christmas at all, but I have more than Christmas in my hands. And I'd really like to thank someone for the past few days.. or past few years of kindness and unrequited patience there's nothing I can say about it anymore. I am amazed, thankful, and sorry.

Who am I?
Whenever this question is asked, an infinite number of possible answers rise to borders of my lips. A battle between words begin as I grumble my way out to a singular statement. Although a few may diligently return from their graves as I continue to speak.
I am Prima. Well, that usually never fails. The habitual answers that have been deemed appropriate by society usually take ease in taking initiatives. However, my initial answers often come from the heart, or somewhere that I can't really explain. Who are you? "I am the woman who will love you to the deepest ends of the sea and push you beyond the highest stars in the sky. I am the woman you will never learn to love, nor love to understand, because it is not within your capacity". Instead I might continue with my secondary answers, something like, "... yea.. and I like cats " indirectly concluding the pointlessness of answering a question one may never had an intent of receiving a true answer to.

Honestly, I feel a little more comfortable writing this now that most of my social feinding subscribers have immersed themselves in places they belong. Facebook.
But really, this who am I contradictory. ...
I have become so many things. My personality has filled quite a portion of the spectrum. That should be a good thing right?
I've slowly dipped my soul into many different cups of lessons of life. What do I taste like? Imagine coffee, and soda, and tea, and some juice all soaked into a single piece of bread. Haha, not all of them mix very well together huh? But that is me.
I have become a person dripped in so much content, that I can relate to so many things, but nothing relates back to me.
I am a movie with too many plots and no genre. People don't know what they are watching. It's no wonder the man can never understand.
I am friendly, cold, motherly, opinionated, easy to please, picky, funny, mean, restless, focused, mature, a really annoying crybaby. An artist, who values the mind, an athlete who values the body, the gluttonist who cares of nothing but satisfaction of infinite needs, and the suffering unconditional sacrificing idealist.
Tell me, how do you write a story with me?
Who am I? When I am holding my little sister in tears, threatening to run away and keep her in my care away from the world of suffering and pain?
Who am I? When I am laughing over mochi and bubble tea with my good friends, talking shit and making sure everyone's enjoying themselves.
Is it any different?
From when I become quiet and omnipotent, handling problems in a manner that can seemingly frighten the masses?
Or when I become stiff, unlenient, and unsympathetic to a person's mistakes when I acknowledge that they've put someone in pain due to their own selfishness?
Well, what about that inner me?
That introspective thinker who reads and writes endless poetry, longing for spirituality, love, and understanding? Who eagerly asks questions and listens and absorbs the world around her, intrigued. You know, that liberal, lack of moral foundation, emotional side of me?

I've asked this question many times before.

What will I do with me? This personality of a morphing puzzle piece... Relating to everything, but truly to nothing. Substantially subjected, yet I am not complete in any form. But me being this way, this is me being myself.  Being all of these things encompassed, a track with trance, classical, pop and r&b; A compilation of music... or jibbirish.

Tonight, a brisk wind danced ballet,
Joyfully scraping across my face, when my heart muttered a name.
Eyes closed, joints tightened, as my frozen body ached -
Ashamed. Leaves escape the trees, colors astrayed,
bones bare - of brown - bound in no grace. But my eyes
Were agaze in an endless - maze of stripped liberations. Colors
Laughed at storms of emptiness - as air dried the rain away.
In breathlessness, the music of my soul played.
My lips hardened in place .. as I sang to the skies ...
Then, hearing wild cries, they replied without haste.
And drank under the moonlight, sipping on touch without taste -
As my heart mutters a name, brisk winds danced ballet and scraped my face.

My love cannot be conquered,
It is a gently - whispered - hymn...
Touched by the ripples of your existence.
And solemnly placed, in your open palm.
My love, can be stronger than the plight
Of diamonds - fallen to you in a gentle mist.
Consoling every breath only,
At the depths of your permission
I can be as soft as a white roses' kiss.
But please, be benignant
For the promises of falling petals,
Will flee to boundless reaches
From clenched fists.

i recommend this post!
http://weblog.xanga.com/Empz/679885563/men-are-simple.html
and this
http://weblog.datingish.com/datingish/680262264/women-love-jerks.html
and... this
http://weblog.xanga.com/quiltnmomi/680614726/basic-accounting.html