I miss going Karaoke :-/
I miss singing my heart out when no one else is looking...

As little as I write about the influence of music for me, I think it impacts me much more than many people who have made it their lives. Not to really pull anyone's tail, but with such "studies of music", "studies of art", "studies of martial arts", etc. Masses of people interested in the subject started to just coin terminologies in order to explain the creations of masterpieces. Masterpieces made by people with no intention of categorization and figurative lingo, but instead want to take you on a journey of colors and emotions they dreamed of and mapped out on a canvas of straight lines and segments of small little dots with sqiggly lines on top.

From the small baby steps in the first verse, to the climax in the chorus, the reminiscence of the chorus - the repeated bashing of regret and flashbacks -  longing to remain at a point in time until it moves on to a slow and steady closure as the last note dies, unwilling to say goodbye. When I write poetry, it is like music. A journey expressed with an unsteady beat of a feeble heart, and the tempo of  七情六欲 (the seven emotions and six desires), the strings of passion are sung in sync with a bass of a steady and patient mind - keeping all the chaos within the range of the song, making sure that all the improvisation doesn't stray from the bigger picture. What makes it music, and not noise, is regulation. When a certain source is able to keep everything together without repeating too much or too little. Music is music because each note is placed perfectly, the next is supposed to follow the latter, agile in its nature. Music is the ability to regulate and still bring an element of surprise. Music, poetry, and my life, are all composed, edited, and regulated... quite similarly.

One day, I will accomplish my ultimate goal.
I will cry, and my tears will freeze you - in perdition.
The path behind you will crumble, and the remnants
Of my soul will laugh alongside you - to the ends
Of eternity. And I will fulfill, your promise to me -
On my own. I will show you that it was possible,
That you, were weak. And that I, am hopeless.

我現在上跟課， 好悶 。。 其實寫下一點中文唔錯吖，

今天我和Lucy一起聊天。 我有一點擔心他。 和一個她那么愛的人一起這么辛苦。。 我為她難過。 我知道還記得曾經像她這樣為一個自己覺得咳好脆弱“relationship” 已勞力。因為他每一次的選擇都是自私的選擇。傻傻的我和傻傻的Lucy不管一切已愛下去。。

但咳我相信Lucy會比我強， 我相信她會再多一次。。動到他的心。

愛情真的很美妙， 看見Lucy我真很開心。 有一個像我那么熱情和堅持的好朋友。

哈咯大家好 ：）　
大學已經開始了，　有很多新東西我想告訴你們。。。　第一。 我有一個新電腦， 第二。我有一個新電話， 第三。 我做快有一個新車， 是我公公的， 所以。。 不會太漂亮。。 沒問題。。 其實我還有很多東西想寫的， 關于很多我私人的事

到了今天我真的沒想到我對其他人到底有什么什么大的影響 ，
原來我的存在是那么重要 。。 但咳為何要等到那么久先告訴我呢。。
我到底是什么人啊？ 那種影響不屬于我的。。 真咳不屬于我。。
我希望我身邊的朋友有快樂和安慰， 我關心你因為你是我很好的朋友
不管以前或現在或以后， 對我來說沒有什么分別， 所以不要想太多了
開心點了我根本不該活在這里。。。
我錯。

對不起。

我以后的路會關心多點會小心多點。

Hello peeps,considering today is the last day of August, I figure I'll update before the new month comes.

Lots of things have happened for me this summer, lots of some things, and lots of nothings.
Highlights: Going to Water Country with Winnie and David, and Plymouth Rock with the previous and Carol, Nicole's Birthday, partying with Danny C. and David Q., and Wess and JJ (all of whom I haven't seen in two years), going to Jones Beach, growing my fingernails back getting a new phone, losing the new phone, a tree falling on my car, seeing some dirty stuff, etc...

As for some great news! My cousin Sally is pregnant with a baby girl! I am very excited about that, but I'm always scared to give her a call ... I think I'll call her some time this week . One of my best friends, Kitty has met a new love and I'm very happy for her Also, two of my very very close friends are engaged! One being Lucy - although she isn't in a hurry to get married, it seems that they are progressing towards a bright future - with the promise rings, new home, and a new ridiculously cute dog and what not. Also Andy is engaged as well their families are being busy bees working out all the details, picking a good day and what not, very very exciting, can't wait to meet the bride! 2009 seems like quite a good year.

Tasteless.
A world of materials spin around me. Explain to me, what is the value of value? Mankind has spent so much of their time with opened eyes pointing fingers and putting a name to something. A name heavy with relative meaning, defined with singular and biased perception, a book judged by its cover - for the purpose of serving man's curiosity and need of classification. We live in a world of inseparable categorization and separation. Where there is no evil, there is no good. You are what you must be based on similarities and differences outwardly perceived. You are valued and placed accordingly: race, height, weight, rarity, or previous experience of the person evaluating.

Perfection.. what has it become lately? According to social psychology, they claim it to be the most average. Perfection is the is the midpoint between the standard deviations of sizes of small and large (noses, eyes, mouth, height, etc..). Perfection is just right and easy on the eyes. This is what social psychology claims, but, then again, in the older days beautiful woman were quite fatty around the mid-section. I personally highly doubt that people who would wake and sleep according to the sun, would consume more than our current generation, especially when people weren't able to mass produce agricultural goods and clone meat and poultry the way we do. Yea, I'm pretty sure, the old average would have been significantly thinner. So, disproving perfection to be average, what has perfection become? The product of media and advertisement? How do we classify people? And why do we have such a need to do it?

Is it because we have a irrepressible dying curiosity and desire to understand that person, and thus we classify them? Or have we gotten lazy and used classification as an easy way out of thinking further. Let's see... if I see a young dude with sunglasses in a BMW talking on the phone and he honks at an old lady crossing the street. "That guy's an asshole" will probably suffice. But what about other situations? What about when you're talking to your friends, and you just met a guy at a party. You don't know him much but people are asking what you think of him. And before you can talk, someone goes, "That guy's an asshole, he didn't ___ ___ when I ___ ___" as the rest of the crowd nods in agreement without giving him a second thought. Without thinking to talk to him ever again, without even looking the guy in the eye for the rest of the party, or giving him a second thought for the rest of your life. How can some people train their mind's to make such important decisions so quickly? Because you don't know them? And you no longer care to? You can't approach him yourself and evaluate him? Why has that useless piece of information one of your girlfriend's said stuck to your brain for so long, that you can't use your own judgment? It's so easy to tell people off, it's so easy not to take that extra step, it's so easy to judge unfairly. What then, is the point of judgment anymore? What value does it offer? Judgment and opinion SHOULD be valuable. Some people get paid past 6 figures annually for their opinion. Do you think they think like that?

Hinduism tries to break this bad habit of ours. Moksha and the concept where one is Brahman, you are everything, and everything is you. Maybe that is first step to value. When everything is equal, and everything is the same. Maybe we need to remind ourselves of that first.

Value is created by yourself. Diamonds aren't so expensive because they are. They are expensive because of supply and demand. Value is in your hands, it means nothing if you do not utilize your mind and evaluate. YOU have marketing and consumer power in everything. Consumer goods, political advocacy, sexual preference ... love. Every aspect of your life falls in supply and demand within a wide range of options based on the opinion of YOU among others. But that includes you, yes. Repetitive, I know.

We are forgetting the value of value. And things that should be valued are fading away in such an obvious manner, that people who notice keep writing about it while the people forgetting, keep ignoring it. We have left our minds in the hands of marketers of all schevious kinds. Marketers like your parents, your friends, and the guy that talks you into things at the bar when he sees you crying. Does value have no value to you anymore? Does the value of love, then mean nothing respectively to people like you?

Your thoughts, please.

From a Distance

Close your eyes, and listen.
Can you hear me when I speak to you
Through gentle gestures and
Light whispers beneath a purple sky -
I await your slumber
To greet you humbly in twilight
Amidst summer dreams
Of rainbows and butterflies
I hold you closely and smile
And we walk on slowly and drown
In memories of memories of a timeless
Moment in time and sigh ...You awake
Without me by your side
For I exist in only a moment inside
Your mind's sea of questions.
I can hear you - from a distance
But you, cannot hear my reply.

Hi guys
For those who didn't know... a 10 ton tree fell and totaled my car! -_- Been busy...

Today, I experienced a very strange dream. I haven't waken up from a dream in a very long time, it just seemed so frightening realistic.

I dreamed that I was on some sort of trip with Kitty and David.  It started at night, and we were with a group tour with a bunch of young individuals about our age. Everyone was in a big lobby, and slept on sleeping bags, as temporary residence provided by some program. Apparently, Danny was part of the program too. Kitty and I decided to try and become friends with Danny again. To our surprise he was casually very nice to us at first. It seemed as if he didn't mind about anything that happened between us in the past at all. We thought he turned out to be pretty cool, we were even looking forward to finding him again the next day. I was very happy he turned out this way. I stayed quiet most of the time just in case things might have gotten awkward.  Maybe we looked too optimistic, because next day Kitty went to find him, apparently I wasn't there. He had quite an attitude. He stated, "I have a feeling some people are starting to like me, and if that's the case, then I'll have to refuse my presence here". He looked very aggravated and sarcastic and then walked off after giving Kitty and an unfriendly stare.  Kitty got very mad and told me about it. She started ranting about how she obviously she didn’t like him. Honestly I’m not too sure if I did or not, but she told me to stick up for us and fix the problem.

So I went to the grand convention at the Mayor's office to look for him. It was a very grand and spacious dome. The first floor was very short. All the walls were off-white and had red velvet curtains and doormen greeting the incoming people. The party was located on the second floor. I walked up a very wide and curved staircase onto the second floor. It was a very large room, with a line of dark wooden doors that looked as if they were from the ballroom in the Titanic. I walked in with Kitty and found him. He was complaining about how girly girls talk too much and complain all the time, how that was so annoying. He said he couldn't  stand those type of girls. I retorted with, “Well I mean, it’s not like you’re into those quieter rough girls who don’t have much to say. He looked at me, seemingly surprised that I spoke and said in curiosity, "Rough? Like how?" And I said, “Oh you know, those rough handed, tomboy types, that don’t do half of those things?" He grinned at me and asked, "Why not?" I felt very uncomfortable with that response and asked, “Why would you?” and he responded casually, “They’re pretty.”

After that, he seemed like he wasn’t so cocky anymore, like he felt more comfortable with me and Kitty. As the party went on, I was thinking about what he said. Why did he say it that way? I was almost a little disappointed with how true that last line might have been. Maybe that was really the only reason why he liked me back then. That was pretty depressing.

I tried to change the topic in my head as the party continued, and I thought of a question to ask everyone. I wanted to start by asking Danny. Behind Danny was a very tall and beautiful stained glass window.

As the party went on, I began to contemplate about some questions to ask everyone. I decided to ask Danny first. I wanted to ask him what was one thing that threatened his confidence. I asked him, but a strange ringing noise erupted out of no where and whizzed between him and I. He asked me to repeat the question. I walked up closer to him and as I tried to speak, it was as if something near my Vitamin Water bottle converted my soundwaves into a circular reflective light. Soon the entire room was swarming with this noise and these white reflective lights. It was a very loud whooming sound that got louder and louder until the windows broke. Everyone started running. Danny seemed unhappy that I brought him back into another unlucky situation. He ran down and I chased after him, he told me he was going to rush to home. In my mind was only to be down a few blocks down. I don’t know why I chased him, I felt scared. I said “Wait! Danny!” and he tried to say something to me but I couldn’t make out most of it, but he told me to wait for him. He ran downstairs to the main lobby. Grabbed two of his umbrellas and gave one to me. I told him it’s okay, I already have an umbrella. He smiled at me and I had a strange happy feeling.

He left. I was still very frightened. I went back upstairs and saw David walking fast alongside staff  members pointing directions and giving out orders. I pressed a button near the really big statue whale to make him come as I hid between the whale and my knees.  He was like “god damn, I’m so stressed out right now.” I felt a little better and asked him why. David said, because the mayor’s office is asking me to tell them the cause of the situation and showed me a diagram on a smart phone. It showed  a bunch of angry people outside (bathroom figures, about 3 or 4 to make a crowd in front of the Mayor’s office, and David  inside the mayor’s office with a question mark. He goes, I’m about to just tell them the fountain in the whale popped.  I wanted to tell him about what happened, I was so afraid, then I woke up.

Tonight, critters between the walls are fast asleep.
The world dreams - as my mind spins, and eats at me.
It isn't warm enough tonight, is it? I take another blanket and
Cuddle between the sheets, pressing a pillow to my ears
As my pounding heart screams - shivering to the shrills
Of the undying and incomplete. Feed me, my senses
Are hungry for a moment's time. Touch me with words
That bring a mountain's confidence. Sing
To me, a timeless song of a lover's devotion - exhilarate me,
To tear's of a white dove. Show me, how all the stretches of
Immeasurable happiness, is obsolete,
Without thee? It isn't warm enough tonight, is it?
I take another blanket and cuddle between the sheets.
I close my eyes in solemn reverie, drinking to a figment of a masterpiece.